There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
