we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
