Say something about gay babies.
two words...techno handjob
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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