i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
