I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize