dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
