I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he thought i was a dude.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
