HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
