And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
