The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think people are normalizing furries
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
