Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
