someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
