The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
