he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
