Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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