Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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