Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
