it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
