we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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