just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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