My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
