Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
