Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
