no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
