Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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