A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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