What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
