The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
