I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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