Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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