Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
