rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He shit in the fireplace
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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