and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Someone came in the potted fern
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
