9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
