Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
