Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
