New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
