There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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