I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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