Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
