My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
