I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
