He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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