i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
