I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
