I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
