I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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