great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
