For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
