Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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