I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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