Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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