Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
