I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
